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"Why make life harder for yourself than it already is?"
posted by hbt at 11:43 PM

 
In typical modern-day email forwarding of jokes and people-bashing, a scan of a 1955 Good Housekeeping article came my way titled "The good wife's guide". There is some question about the validity of this article (http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp), but I felt like commenting on it all the same.

Clearly this is one seriously dated article. The 50s sound like they happened on another planet compared to my life which has been as career oriented as it has been family oriented. Where women can pull their weight financially and men contribute domestically. Really it's about choice. In the 50s, women had legal freedoms, but not socially acceptable freedom. Their place was in the home, serving the family. And men were defined by their jobs and their kingdoms - not their time spent in their kids' classrooms, or cooking dinner. I don't believe men want the entire burden of making the money anymore...I also don't believe they want a kiss ass for a partner either. How boring!!

Call me crazy, but I think the general intention of the article has its merits. Anyone that works their bootie off deserves some occasional pampering from the one they love. Sometimes that means cleaning the house for them. Sometimes that means cooking their favorite meal. And sometimes, that means peace and quiet, a scarce environment in plenty of homes with kids. And if you love someone, you get genuine enjoyment in showing that love through thoughtful catering to their needs and making them happy. I think there was a backlash to the sentiments in this article that had people believing that being selfless toward your mate meant doing a disservice to yourself. Look at the movements of the 60s and 70s, and the "me-ism" of the 80s. Sure, donate money, or serve in the soup kitchen. But kind acts for the sole purpose of your partner's enjoyment could be frowned upon after the courting phase was over. And today, both spouses work and feel stretched so thin, they have no time or energy for such acts of devotion.

You know, it's amazing our heads don't spin off our necks. Instead of a phone bill, you have a DSL/cable/cell/text messaging/long distance/server storage bill and 20 devices that you have to investigate/purchase/learn/maintain/upgrade to make it all work! (Go ahead, count them...I bet you get to 20.) Meanwhile, as you are sorting through your confusing bill wondering why it's so high, your 1 year old dropped your cell phone in the toilet. All that time picking the perfect phone which you got at a discount for finding the perfect plan, fighting reception and low batteries, populating your phone book, learning how to change the ring tone and take pictures, getting your ear bud to work, flushed down the toilet.

Ahem. I digress. Just like JELL-O and the dishwasher modernized housekeeping for the 50s, the Internet and cell phones, and fantastic entertainment options have enhanced our lives and revealed new worlds. Choice is power. The Internet is power. More and more people are empowered all over the world than ever before and many civilizations will change as a result.

But in all the information and choice chaos, I have to ask, where are our priorities?

Back to the point of the article... What if you could do something to renew your partner and make them happy? Peaceful? Loved? Doesn't that free them up from bad feelings and stress and make them more capable of returning the same? Doesn't it make you warm when you make someone you love feel special?

A friend of mine did a wise thing. She was married with two boys and declared early on, "This is my circle and what's in the circle is most important. I'm not going to worry about things outside of this circle." The "circle of control" and the slightly larger "circle of influence" are common concepts in the work place, but not used so much in our personal lives. As such, she's not a ladder climber, or hip to the latest gadgets, but she has wonderful, active relationships with her sons.

Time is our most precious commodity. How we spend it should never be taken lightly, just like spending money should never be taken lightly. (Time is money after all...) It should be spent with intention and thoughtfulness. Unlike money, this has nothing to do with being productive. Taking a nap is a wonderful use of time! Even watching TV, if it's something you love. But spend your time with the awareness that you're doing it. Spending time on your lover is never wasted time.

posted by hbt at 9:38 PM

 
A folly of a question that leads to frustration and failure (except for that rare individual who actually knows the answer and still feels the same way after they get there). How do you know what sort of house you want to live in until you buy one and live there? No, I really do want 4 bedrooms and a 3 car garage...and yes, closet space does matter! How do you know what job you want until you start working? Gee, I hate working for someone else. Or, I'm surprised I like doing this part of my job - I'll look for more opportunities to do that!

I'm currently reading "Thick Face, Black Heart", a most excellent book on how to be yourself and achieve what you are meant to achieve. It doesn't prescribe morals, but rather is a layer applied on top of your values to help you discover and meet your true calling. This book enables CEOs and criminals alike. (Is that redundant?)

The last chapter I read was on Dharma, which is fulfilling the obligation of your role. If you're a teacher, you teach. If you're a warrior, you fight. If you're a doctor, you cure. Good things will present themselves to you if you follow your dharma.

This chapter made me reflect. I mean, they all have; it's an awesome book. But in particular, it made me revisit the paths I've taken. I have rarely been goal oriented. I never have an answer to the "what do you want to do 5 years from now" question in my development plan. And you know what? That's just fine. Convention says I'm lazy or ignorant - Gee, shouldn't I know where I want to be in 5 years? If I'm not goal oriented, will I be a failure? Many books would have me believe that.

Total hogwash. I always had the notion I couldn't possibly know what I would want in the future, and in retrospect, I was right to have that attitude. My life was (is!) ever-changing. The 20s often are, and it hasn't slowed for my 30s yet. How could I possibly predict? Why bother? It would come to me, whatever "it" was. And it always has. Every change I have made has been for the better. Every step has led to the next.

Take my singing hobby. In the 6th grade, I sang in a talent show. Didn't really want to, but I did. That led to being recruited for the school play, where I sang yet another song by myself. That led to the junior high director recruiting me for his elite music group. Which led to joining the high school jazz choir. My last year in college, I ran into my old director and he said I should join the college jazz choir. So I did, and I had a great time and learned a bunch. Which led to private lessons. A couple years later I kicked off my own band, and a few years after that, joined a jazz band, which I can tell has the potential to be my true calling. Both my band projects have been some of the most fulfilling and life-lesson-learning experiences of my life. All because I chose to walk through each successive door of opportunity.

My career charted a similar course. I explored a few majors at school, but nothing clicked. No magic. Meanwhile, I got a job at the computer center through contacts of my mom's. She worked there too back in the day. My ignorance with computers was painfully exposed and to rectify the problem, I started taking computer courses. Before I knew it, I had declared my major. I had no love of computers, but this path was better than the others and at some point you waste more opportunity trying to find the perfect career instead of pitching that stake in the ground and committing. Through the school I landed a job with my current company. My first position brought on some painful growth until it nearly broke me. But through the encouragement of my mentor (also an unplanned, but pivotal person in my life), I changed to a more appropriate job. As I moved on and recovered emotionally, I dissected my previous job until I squeezed every lesson out of it possible. It wasn't intentional, but rather my nature to do this. I had been so frustrated, helpless, and seemingly unqualified, that I obsessively replayed my interactions until all mysteries were gone. After a good year or two of it, I learned more from my failures in that job than I've ever learned being successful.

I continued to learn and gravitate towards the things I liked and shied away from the things I didn't, morphing my role into what it is today. Even in my first job...I was hired as a "system administrator"... I never administered a single system. Yuck. I showed aptitude for other tasks so of course, they were assigned to me. My job is far from perfect, but, it never will be. It's serving a purpose (besides a paycheck) and dedicating myself to my job will teach me what I need to know and expedite the next chapter in my life.

As I said, I have no love of computers. I imagine this will eventually drive me out of the industry. Where it takes me, who the heck knows, or cares really.

Do what you love. Do what you can. Nothing becomes a career overnight. It's grown and nurtured, and may come as a surprise that first time someone offers to pay you money for something you do. Exposure is everything...
posted by hbt at 10:32 PM

 
So the question comes to mind, do I only use this blog for the funny, entertaining stories? Frankly, a whole lot more goes on in my life than these musings. Although I did glance back at Zach in the back seat today to find him scratching his nose with his big toe. Better than picking it I guess.

I have been going through a slow transformation ever since I became pregnant. I knew I had to quit my over-committing --> crash-and-burning, manic-depressive tendencies. And almost like magic, I did. Like a light switch, I became more centered, less chaotic. And it stuck after Zach was born. Contrast to what most people told me, life actually got easier after I had Zach (if you discount the actual birthing process...)

Finding that center started me on a journey of self-discovery. My mind quiet enough for the first time to see what was going on and how I was affecting the world and people around me. Since then, a lot has changed based on what I learned. I'm not the same person I was, and I hope to be turning into the person I want to be.

Long story short, I have compiled a list of guiding principles. Any time I wonder what I should do, any time I become stressed, any time I am afraid, the answer has always boiled down to one of these things:

* go with your instinct
* do the right thing
* relax
* be honest with yourself
* be positive
* find your passion, then never let it go
* take care of every moment

The trick to its success, is having the courage to do them...
posted by hbt at 11:42 PM

 
*shudder*

Just like that Jetson's episode when all the robots in the town band together to sabotage George's day, the security gates at department stores are out to get me.

Ok, not really. Unlike George, it's been my own (naive) fault and not the result of pissing off Rosie the robot maid. For a good month, it seemed something snuck into my purse that set off the alarms at the stores. One time it was a CD case that still had an "active" security strip inside. I started having nervous breakdowns going in and out of Wal-Mart, getting stopped and wondering why I was setting the alarm. It doesn't help that Wal-Mart intentionally sets off the alarm so they can check your receipt when you buy a $20 watch (oh yeah, high ticket item...). Needless to say I was starting to have nightmares. I had issues getting in and out of Macy's as well. For a few good weeks, I had a serious anxiety. Let's just say the Christmas shopping season was tainted.

Just when I thought I was recovered... I walked into Macy's yesterday and set off the alarm. "What!", I thought. "What the hell am I carrying!" Hmmm. Nothing in the purse. Double what the hell. Somehow I figured out I had left the security tag on my pants. Anne Taylor (Loft) sews in security tags and you're supposed to cut them out when you get home. Well, I was lazy. If I knew it would come back to haunt me, I would have cut it out for sure!

No scissors on me, no pocket knife or switchblade. I was stuck. I went ahead and did my shopping, all the while knowing I had to get out of the store. As I went downstairs and meandered through the shoe department, my stomach was starting to knot up. There was the entrance to the mall and somehow I had to make a run for it. Now in the make-up section, eyeing my escape route, I watched a woman head out to the mall and set off the alarm. Looking confused, she headed back towards the counter to get her bag checked.

As she turned to leave again, I found myself doing something a bit unbelievable. If it hadn't felt so damn clever, my sense decency would have kicked in. I hurriedly walked out on her heals and, yes, I triggered the alarm. She turned back and looked at me, but I simply kept on walking. Bewildered, she turned around again to get her bag checked, and I made my clever escape.

I may be going to hell.
posted by hbt at 7:11 PM

 
Work had a little employee contest in honor of one of their calculators hitting it's 25 year anniversary, and still being sold today practically unchanged. The contest was to win one of the anniversary calculators by telling a story about how the calculator affected my life. Given my unusual track record of winning things at work...I went ahead and did it. Here was my submission:

As a kid, I saw my mom go back to school to get her Computer Science degree. I grew up drawing on greenbar paper and punch cards, typing on her clunky homemade terminal, and playing with this calculator (except it seemed to work backwards!) It was a fixture at the house, laying by the bills or her homework, and seeing a picture of it instantly transports me to that time in my life. I went on to get my own excellent HP calculator, and my own Computer Science degree...and she still uses her 12c!

HP 12c platinum anniversary edition
posted by hbt at 6:59 PM