Zachary

The band

The other band

Cooking stuff (temporarily inactive...)

 
A folly of a question that leads to frustration and failure (except for that rare individual who actually knows the answer and still feels the same way after they get there). How do you know what sort of house you want to live in until you buy one and live there? No, I really do want 4 bedrooms and a 3 car garage...and yes, closet space does matter! How do you know what job you want until you start working? Gee, I hate working for someone else. Or, I'm surprised I like doing this part of my job - I'll look for more opportunities to do that!

I'm currently reading "Thick Face, Black Heart", a most excellent book on how to be yourself and achieve what you are meant to achieve. It doesn't prescribe morals, but rather is a layer applied on top of your values to help you discover and meet your true calling. This book enables CEOs and criminals alike. (Is that redundant?)

The last chapter I read was on Dharma, which is fulfilling the obligation of your role. If you're a teacher, you teach. If you're a warrior, you fight. If you're a doctor, you cure. Good things will present themselves to you if you follow your dharma.

This chapter made me reflect. I mean, they all have; it's an awesome book. But in particular, it made me revisit the paths I've taken. I have rarely been goal oriented. I never have an answer to the "what do you want to do 5 years from now" question in my development plan. And you know what? That's just fine. Convention says I'm lazy or ignorant - Gee, shouldn't I know where I want to be in 5 years? If I'm not goal oriented, will I be a failure? Many books would have me believe that.

Total hogwash. I always had the notion I couldn't possibly know what I would want in the future, and in retrospect, I was right to have that attitude. My life was (is!) ever-changing. The 20s often are, and it hasn't slowed for my 30s yet. How could I possibly predict? Why bother? It would come to me, whatever "it" was. And it always has. Every change I have made has been for the better. Every step has led to the next.

Take my singing hobby. In the 6th grade, I sang in a talent show. Didn't really want to, but I did. That led to being recruited for the school play, where I sang yet another song by myself. That led to the junior high director recruiting me for his elite music group. Which led to joining the high school jazz choir. My last year in college, I ran into my old director and he said I should join the college jazz choir. So I did, and I had a great time and learned a bunch. Which led to private lessons. A couple years later I kicked off my own band, and a few years after that, joined a jazz band, which I can tell has the potential to be my true calling. Both my band projects have been some of the most fulfilling and life-lesson-learning experiences of my life. All because I chose to walk through each successive door of opportunity.

My career charted a similar course. I explored a few majors at school, but nothing clicked. No magic. Meanwhile, I got a job at the computer center through contacts of my mom's. She worked there too back in the day. My ignorance with computers was painfully exposed and to rectify the problem, I started taking computer courses. Before I knew it, I had declared my major. I had no love of computers, but this path was better than the others and at some point you waste more opportunity trying to find the perfect career instead of pitching that stake in the ground and committing. Through the school I landed a job with my current company. My first position brought on some painful growth until it nearly broke me. But through the encouragement of my mentor (also an unplanned, but pivotal person in my life), I changed to a more appropriate job. As I moved on and recovered emotionally, I dissected my previous job until I squeezed every lesson out of it possible. It wasn't intentional, but rather my nature to do this. I had been so frustrated, helpless, and seemingly unqualified, that I obsessively replayed my interactions until all mysteries were gone. After a good year or two of it, I learned more from my failures in that job than I've ever learned being successful.

I continued to learn and gravitate towards the things I liked and shied away from the things I didn't, morphing my role into what it is today. Even in my first job...I was hired as a "system administrator"... I never administered a single system. Yuck. I showed aptitude for other tasks so of course, they were assigned to me. My job is far from perfect, but, it never will be. It's serving a purpose (besides a paycheck) and dedicating myself to my job will teach me what I need to know and expedite the next chapter in my life.

As I said, I have no love of computers. I imagine this will eventually drive me out of the industry. Where it takes me, who the heck knows, or cares really.

Do what you love. Do what you can. Nothing becomes a career overnight. It's grown and nurtured, and may come as a surprise that first time someone offers to pay you money for something you do. Exposure is everything...
posted by hbt at 10:32 PM