Zachary

The band

The other band

Cooking stuff (temporarily inactive...)

 
It's my midnight anyway. I guess. I don't know what my "night" is anymore. I don't even keep track of what day it is.

Slowly but surely I'm learning what's it's like to have a child. So far it doesn't compare to any other experience. When Zach and I slipped a step on the stairs yesterday, I was scared in a whole new way. I've never been scared for someone else, forgetting myself completely. My leg could have been broken and I wouldn't have realized it. He was crying and couldn't communicate if he was hurt or just stunned. I had to figure it out. No time for panic, or feeling guilty. And I was afraid to move him until I knew why he was crying. So kept him on the step and nuzzled his face with mine for a minute until he calmed. I figured he'd keep screaming if he was hurt. He stopped. No harm, except to my nerves...

He's a boy. And if he's like other boys, he'll rough and tumble. Heck, if he's like I was, he'll rough and tumble. Who knows how many times I came home bleeding. How many concussions? It's amazing children live through childhood. And now it's my turn to nurse and comfort, and hope and pray he doesn't do anything serious; to let him explore and reach, and go on adventures, like I did. To go against the struggles I already have about over-protecting. How do moms do it? How do they let go?

Geez he's only 7 weeks old. It's a long time before I need to be worrying. :)
posted by hbt at 2:55 AM