In typical modern-day email forwarding of jokes and people-bashing, a scan of a 1955 Good Housekeeping article came my way titled "The good wife's guide". There is some question about the validity of this article (http://www.snopes.com/language/document/goodwife.asp), but I felt like commenting on it all the same.
Clearly this is one seriously dated article. The 50s sound like they happened on another planet compared to my life which has been as career oriented as it has been family oriented. Where women can pull their weight financially and men contribute domestically. Really it's about choice. In the 50s, women had legal freedoms, but not socially acceptable freedom. Their place was in the home, serving the family. And men were defined by their jobs and their kingdoms - not their time spent in their kids' classrooms, or cooking dinner. I don't believe men want the entire burden of making the money anymore...I also don't believe they want a kiss ass for a partner either. How boring!!
Call me crazy, but I think the general intention of the article has its merits. Anyone that works their bootie off deserves some occasional pampering from the one they love. Sometimes that means cleaning the house for them. Sometimes that means cooking their favorite meal. And sometimes, that means peace and quiet, a scarce environment in plenty of homes with kids. And if you love someone, you get genuine enjoyment in showing that love through thoughtful catering to their needs and making them happy. I think there was a backlash to the sentiments in this article that had people believing that being selfless toward your mate meant doing a disservice to yourself. Look at the movements of the 60s and 70s, and the "me-ism" of the 80s. Sure, donate money, or serve in the soup kitchen. But kind acts for the sole purpose of your partner's enjoyment could be frowned upon after the courting phase was over. And today, both spouses work and feel stretched so thin, they have no time or energy for such acts of devotion.
You know, it's amazing our heads don't spin off our necks. Instead of a phone bill, you have a DSL/cable/cell/text messaging/long distance/server storage bill and 20 devices that you have to investigate/purchase/learn/maintain/upgrade to make it all work! (Go ahead, count them...I bet you get to 20.) Meanwhile, as you are sorting through your confusing bill wondering why it's so high, your 1 year old dropped your cell phone in the toilet. All that time picking the perfect phone which you got at a discount for finding the perfect plan, fighting reception and low batteries, populating your phone book, learning how to change the ring tone and take pictures, getting your ear bud to work, flushed down the toilet.
Ahem. I digress. Just like JELL-O and the dishwasher modernized housekeeping for the 50s, the Internet and cell phones, and fantastic entertainment options have enhanced our lives and revealed new worlds. Choice is power. The Internet is power. More and more people are empowered all over the world than ever before and many civilizations will change as a result.
But in all the information and choice chaos, I have to ask, where are our priorities?
Back to the point of the article... What if you could do something to renew your partner and make them happy? Peaceful? Loved? Doesn't that free them up from bad feelings and stress and make them more capable of returning the same? Doesn't it make you warm when you make someone you love feel special?
A friend of mine did a wise thing. She was married with two boys and declared early on, "This is my circle and what's in the circle is most important. I'm not going to worry about things outside of this circle." The "circle of control" and the slightly larger "circle of influence" are common concepts in the work place, but not used so much in our personal lives. As such, she's not a ladder climber, or hip to the latest gadgets, but she has wonderful, active relationships with her sons.
Time is our most precious commodity. How we spend it should never be taken lightly, just like spending money should never be taken lightly. (Time is money after all...) It should be spent with intention and thoughtfulness. Unlike money, this has nothing to do with being productive. Taking a nap is a wonderful use of time! Even watching TV, if it's something you love. But spend your time with the awareness that you're doing it. Spending time on your lover is never wasted time.
posted by hbt at 9:38 PM
